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June Predictions

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I know you guys all admire the Notorious RBG as much as I do. I came across the next very interesting blog. Sweet beans!

It’s June. The Supreme Court’s current term will be ending later this month. Here are my insane predictions for how things will unfold for Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, aka Real Bad Gangsta, and the rest of the Court.
 ***Justice Anthony Kennedy, appearing without explanation in a full-body cast and considerable laceration on his face, announces that the Court rules in favor of government in King v. Burwell.            After explaining the legal reasoning behind the decision, Justice Kennedy says, “On a more personal note, I have come to understand recently…” He pauses to wince, then continues, “Very recently…the fundamental importance of health care. I now understand it cannot be played with so flippantly, either as legal issue or…” He lets out a whimper. “As a matter of life or death.” As he speaks, his eyes keep shifting nervously to his left, where Justice Ginsburg is sitting. She smiles contentedly as he reads his opinion, and gives a silent chuckle when he speaks the words “life or death,” and glances at him with a raised eyebrow.            The following day, Justice Kennedy appears in Court miraculously healed, free of the cast and the laceration, if still a little pale and shaken. ***
In the case concerning disparate impact in housing, Texas Department of Housing and Community Affairs v. The Inclusive Communities Project, Inc., Justice Thomas writes the majority opinion, joined by the the four other conservatives, in which he declares that disparate impact claims are unconstitutional because racism is not only over, but racism never even existed. In response to the dissenting justices, Justice Thomas claims that those who think we should acknowledge race suffer from profound delusions and are probably medically insane.             In response, Justice Breyer writes a dissent, documenting racism from colonial America to the present day. The justices adjourn two separate times, for lunch and then dinner, while Justice Breyer, occasionally in tears, reads a synopsis of his 948-page-long opinion.
 In Glossip v. Gross, the Court rules 5-4 that Oklahoma may use its three-drug protocol in executions. Justice Scalia writes a concurrence in which he states he would find unconstitutional any method of execution that does not inflict at least moderate pain on a prisoner and that he believes executions are best carried out when there is some doubt about the prisoner’s guilt. Justice Ginsburg writes the principal dissent, joined by the three other liberal justices, saying that while they would find this method of execution unconstitutional, they would rule in Oklahoma’s favor if Justice Scalia would be willing to be injected with a tiny, non-lethal dose of midazolam, just enough so that he feels like he’s burning alive for a few minutes. Justice Scalia does not respond to that point.*** On the last day of the term, Chief Justice John Roberts states that Justice Ginsburg has two announcements, the first being the Court’s opinion in Obergefell v. Hodges. She explains that the Court rules in favor of the plaintiffs on sex discrimination grounds, explaining that bans on same-sex marriage unconstitutionally discriminate on the basis of sex. She cites various cases she successfully argued as a women’s rights litigator in the 1970s, clearly taking great pleasure in the outcome of her work.            “With the case decided,” she continues, “I have a personal announcement to make.”            Shocked gasps echo through the courtroom, and the entire audience is rapt. Though the possibility of Justice Ginsburg’s retirement has been sometimes discussed, no one expected it today. But they don’t know RBG.            “With the right to marriage now constitutionally guaranteed for same-sex couples,” she says, “I would like to announce that I am getting married. Here. And now.”            The doors of the Courtroom open. A woman in a modest but resplendent wedding dress walks in, poised and confident, a lace veil covering her face. She paces forward. The Courtroom is intensely silent but for the clicking heels of the bride-to-be. Holding a bouquet of white roses, she approaches the bench.            Justice Ginsburg stands up from her chair, walks around to the front of the bench to stand with her fiancé before Chief Justice Roberts. RBG lifts the veil to reveal a glowing Justice O’Connor. The audience in the Courtroom lets out a collective gasp.            Justice Ginsburg turns to the audience. “This may not be a bond of romantic love, but it is a relationship of true affection. And for the tax benefits. Okay, primarily for tax benefits.”            An annoyed Justice Alito mutters under his breath, “See, I told you marriage was about regulating economic relations.”            “Plus, these two old widows need company sometimes,” Justice O’Connor adds with a smile.            “Not all that old!”  RBG chimes in, a twinkle in her eye.            They begin reciting their vows, with an entirely businesslike Chief Justice Roberts officiating. Justices Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan look on in tears. Justice Kennedy watches, head cocked, with an amused smile. Justice Thomas has fallen asleep. Justice Alito continues to roll his eyes and shake his head. Justice Scalia keeps shifting in his seat, an annoyed and uncomfortable expression on his face.            “That’s it!” he blurts out. “I retire!”            “Oh, shut up, Nino!” Justice Ginsburg says with a laugh.            The vows completed, the Chief Justice impassively announces the couple married, and the audience rises to their feet in ovation. The newlyweds skip out of the Courtroom hand in hand. They run the length of the Great Hall and out the front doors of the building to Justice Ginsburg’s flying unicorn, Vera, waiting outside at the top of the steps. The two climb on Vera’s back.            “Fly, girl, fly!” RBG calls.            “That’s ‘Fly, woman!’” Vera replies in whinny, and all three laugh.            Vera kicks off into the sky, a rainbow trailing behind her. Justices Ginsburg and O’Connor wave to the crowd below.            “See you in October!” shouts to the masses. ***So, yeah, all that’s going to happen.

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